Rude Awakening.

Last night after I finished writing my entry, I began to scroll down through old posts. As I re-read each successive post, I was awe-struck, embarrassed and then more determined than ever. I started this blog on September 1st, 2004… almost four and a half years ago. And it seems that the ever present reoccurring theme of posts is that I feel like I am watching life happen around me instead of truly experiencing it. And in a seemingly Groundhog Day kind of way, I unknowingly keep realizing that and writing about it. So the question becomes, what is different now that will help me truly break these patterns instead of being destined to repeat them?

Challenge actions: Specific actions or events that are outside of my normal scope of plans. Starting off slowly in hopes of keeping the process enjoyable, I plan on completing at least one challenge action a week for the next few weeks. I will then add another challenge every couple of weeks until hopefully they become constant options.

A Baby: I am currently six months pregnant and am constantly reminded by the growing being inside me that my routine is going to be shaken up in a way that I can’t possibly imagine. I will suddenly be on someone else’s schedule instead of my own and I can’t think of a better way to force change.

Need: After feeling this way for so long, I simply can’t continue to live like this. Success to be seen in happiness, smiles and “What has gotten into her?” comments by those around me.