Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thank you Jen Gray....

It is as if I have been waiting for the invitation. To tell someone what is going on in my head, because honestly, I don't even know any more. More than anything I have been trying to think of what I love and how to make those things a bigger part of my life. It has been getting harder and harder with each passing day to get up and go to work. In reality, the job itself is not so bad- it is just that it has become monotonous and I have become bored. And bored has never worked well for me. I become disconnected and it as if life is happening all around me and I am simply not a part of it. I am merely going through the motions of my routine. And I know that this is sometimes how the depression arrives. And I am scared because it can literally alter your mind. And truly make you believe that there is not a single thing out there that you enjoy or that is worth living for.

And then I see the eyes of a child....the delight in it all- the learning the discovery and the longing for every new day because who knows what it could hold? And I know that that is what I want. The excitement of experiencing each and every day. I just don't know how to get there.

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