Something to Smile About.

Somehow, after all of that, the year is almost over. And as much as I want to despair and revel in the fact that not much has changed and I am still just going through the motions, that simply cannot be true. No. This has been a year of change. Some of it subtle, some glaringly obvious. It has been a year of thought and inner excavation and while a lot of changes have not yet happened, they are in motion. I can feel it. I can feel that I will no longer be okay just thinking about all of the things that would be fun to do, but just don't make sense. I can feel that maybe the most logical decision isn't the best. And I can feel that maybe it is time to just have some fun and let go. Maybe it is okay that a decision I make right now won't be the right one in the future. Because when I get to the future and discover that I will have a chance to make another decision to change courses all over again. So enjoy the moment. Worry a little less. Smile a little more. And take a chance. And then another. What else is there?

World Spins Madly On.

Woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed. I thought of you and where you'd gone, and let the world spin madly on. Everything that I said I'd do, like make the world brand new, and take the time for you. I just got lost and slept right through the dawn, and the world spins madly on. I let the day go by. I always say goodbye. I watch the stars from my window sill. The whole world is moving and I'm standing still. Woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed. The night is here and the day is gone, and the world spins madly on. I thought of you and where you'd gone, and the world spins madly on.

A reminder.

looking forward to looking back.

at some point, i stopped living my life based upon how i felt
and started living it on a schedule
i'm not sure when it happened.
and i can't remember the last time i did something just because
i felt like it.

and now i am trying to fight my way back
into my own conciousness.
to question how i feel about things
and ask the why's and the how's and the where's
and then do what i feel.

not because it is the way to save money
or the way to save time
or what i should be doing
or what makes the most sense
but because i can.

Orange Friday.

Don't call me trash.

Thursday Brown....

Because things aren't always what they seem.

Green, green...

Is the sweetest color I've ever seen.

Red, White and BLUE

Happy 4th of July!

Yellow again.

Yellow in their purity. Yellow in how they reach up towards the sky thirsting for the sun. Yellow in how they make me feel when i sit on the sidewalk and gaze into their eyes.

The first week of this project was about opening my eyes. The second week is about opening my mind. Time to start getting a little creative in the world of color. More to come...

True Love.

Comfort.

Mugs have always signified comfort to me and comfort combined with these vibrant orange colors equals a complete feeling of WARMTH regardless of what it is filled with.

Thursday Brown and White.

I drive past this ad every day on my way home from work and have always loved it. I'm so glad that this project finally made me take the time to pullover and capture it. Nothing like an old-timey ad for some old-timey root beer. Yum.

Blues.

Because sometimes all you need to do is look up to know that it will all be okay.

Yellow Monday.

This morning I quickly realized that the color of the day picture project isn't really about the picture at all. It is about opening your eyes to every detail of that color and every element that you previously blended into the scenery. Today was about big, beautiful sunflowers, yellow graffitti, yellow walls, dandelions, magnolias and lemons. All of it felt very much like summer shining all around me.

COLOR.

I have been in need of a little beauty as of late. A reminder of all of the beautiful colors out there just waiting to be explored and enjoyed. And so next week, as a little kick in the pants, I am going to take part in the color challenge.

"Each day focus on one color when taking photos. Show one photo, several or a collage... a color a day, which is a fun idea. Here it is:

monday-yellows
tuesday-blues, turquoises
wednesday-greens
thursday-whites or browns or blacks
friday-oranges
saturday-reds or purples or pinks"

So go out and find some color and breathe it in deeply and then capture it.

The Lesson.

"The lesson being, head in the direction you are drawn to, even if you think it's impossible or you don't know how you will manage. Once you make the decision completely to do something the universe will jump in to help you out. I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I had been asking the universe for signs and not receiving any. We just had to sit tight, today the signs could not be any bigger or clearer. The universe is yelling."

Thank you Keri for reminding me.

The movies, the tv and the billboards
Are all telling me that there is a better life out there
That with a little more money, a little more beauty
And a carefree attitude of caring
About what everyone else thinks
It can be all smiles and laughs
And risks that never go wrong.

I am good at my job,
But just can’t figure out if my job is good at me.
And so the days pass and the sun rises and sets
And it all just stays the same and there is no wonder
Of what the day will hold or how it will turn out
Just a prediction of monotony
That comes true every day.

But the changes are calculated and the doubts are deferred.
Because who knows if it is my heart or my head
Or just the confusion of me versus the media
Or me versus me where there can only be a tie
And the battle wages on.

And so my mind lets go and wanders into the void
And my body operates on auto pilot
And no one knows any different, or senses the loss
Except that small little voice deep down inside
Who wonders how I can keep letting things go on like this.

How it is.

and that's all
embrace the moment
let it go
and realize
that's how it is.

DARE.

Dare to stop making the safe choices.
Instead make choices that make your heart sing,
your feet dance, and most importantly,
make you feel alive.

This life is passing you by and it is about time that
you wake up and start taking responsibility for your
decisions. Your decisions to roll along because it is
easier that way. Because the day will come when there
will no longer be choices. And I want you to rejoice in that
day knowing you did all you could when you had the chance.

I dare you.

Back to the Beginning.

"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." -Margaret Young

And so a new year begins. And I try to strip away everything of what is and what has become in order to find what I want it to be. And the process is hard and I struggle, but I find that the small glimpses of an authentic life and no longer being detached from the person I am and the life I am leading are worth every bit of the pain it takes to see these things for what they are. And so I go back to the beginning and start to peel away the layers that have covered up the simple hopes and dreams of a happy and real life.